There have been a lot of nice gifts given to the ladybug. Teddy bears, clothing, tiny shoes… her grandmothers have given her tons and tons of useful necessities (and then some stuff that isn’t as urgent, like my mother getting her a Villeroy & Boch sippy cup), her great-grandmothers gave her engraved silver spoons etc. But one of my absolute favorites is her beautiful crochet blankie that my aunt made for her. Isn’t it the most wonderful baby blankie you’ve ever seen?
The little doll seems to be down for a longer nap so I have time for a more thorough reflection on motherhood. I have to say it’s all very confusing and harder to take in than you would ever imagine. It’s such an emotional roller coaster and I feel really unstable at times. The scariest part about it all isn’t the responsibility or being tied down, what’s terrifying is how natural it all feels. You go through life thinking raising a child is the ultimate challenge and now that I’m there it all seems too easy*. So I start thinking maybe I’m not doing enough. Like maybe there’s something wrong with me because I don’t worry enough. At night I have godawful nightmares about forgetting about her and abandoning her. Every morning I wake up next to her filled with such immense feelings of adoration and love that I literally think I’ll break. All of this gratitude I have for the miraculous gift I’ve been given won’t fit inside me because there’s noone to thank. Another crazy thought: is it really possible I made her?
I keep telling myself it’s normal, but whenever I try to put it down in words, I feel insane. So, those of you that have already been there… did this happen to you? Or am I just losing my mind?
* Please don’t start with the “oh don’t worry, it’ll get worse”. It doesn’t get worse. When I was pregnant and surprised by how easy it was, people told me it would get worse towards the end. When I was in labor and didn’t think it was all that hard, people told me it would get much harder very soon, when the baby was born and our lives only got better, people made it their business to inform us of how it would only get worse. Maybe I’m lucky because shit just won’t hit the fan or maybe those people just need a cup of man-the-fuck-up 🙂
And yet again, I’ve slept for an entire nine hours, am well rested and greeted by a giggling baby. She is SUCH a ray of sunshine, there’s literally nothing on this planet that could be more adorable or satisfying.
By the way, I’m happy to see you’ve started commenting, it kind of gives this blogging thing a purpose. You guys were here one thousand one hundred times yesterday, you’d think you can do better than seven comments?
Have a great day, everyone!
Before we went to her swimming lesson on Monday. I admit the hat is nowhere near her size, but how cute is she?
I write down all the important dates in baby’s life. Like the 5th of February was the day she made her first attempts to hold her head. Today will go down in history as the day our little trooper started taking care of her own neck and head. 🙂 Yays!
Author: The amazing Krista Kõiv
When I turned 17 I got myself an awesome cognac-colored Hilfiger wallet. Cherished it with all my heart… until it was stolen a week later. Since then (and it was a good bunch of years ago) I’ve been mourning that specific wallet (couldn’t find a new one anywhere) and been too stubborn to get a new one. This year H got me a wallet and even though it wasn’t the one I’ve been wishing for all these years, it was gorgeous and I grew very fond of it. I had it for exactly two months and found out yesterday that the silver-colored emblem on the wallet was starting to turn coppery… in addition to that, the lining looked like it was glued in. Very shady business… so H took it back to the Guess shop (they were surprised to see the crappy quality and gave him compensation, of course) and brought back a different one. I kicked and screamed and said I didn’t want a new one because I liked my old one fine (what is it with me and getting emotionally attached to wallets?) but looking at it again today I realize it might even look better than the old one did.
Matches a lot better with my python pattern Fornarina purse and the new snake pattern ballerinas I got from Stockholm
One of the things I had my mind set on when going shopping in Stockholm was a Fischer-Price baby gym from Toys’r’us. Unfortunately they didn’t have the one I wanted in stock so we got another one. Needless to say it’s an industry and baby toys are insanely expensive, but it has already paid off: the little bug absolutely adores it. She appreciates the contrast in black and white patterns so the zebra is her number one favorite.
There have been a lot of questions about how our dog Lorelei (we call her Loore) reacted to us bringing home a baby. We usually try to keep them apart as much as possible because Loore keeps wanting to lick the baby clean and we’re not too sure it’s a good idea. When baby gets a little whiny, the dog is clearly very upset and wants to console her, but she gets a little too excited and may end up hurting the ladybug… All in all, we like to keep them apart as much as possible. But this once, when the baby was falling asleep in the armchair, Loore veeery carefully got up on the chair and placed her body next to baby’s, resting nothing but her head on the kid. Extremely cute.
Author: The amazing Krista Kõiv
I know a few people who just can’t stop complaining about their lack of time and tight schedule, especially because they have kids. I don’t know what’s that damn time consuming, all I know is there are plenty of hours in a day for me. Cooking, cleaning, taking care of a baby… I even have time for manicures. I guess I’m the perfect housewife after all!