Before I go on with telling you everything about this project I’m working on, I need to get something really heavy off my chest. I’m facing such an incredibly hard decision: there’s a chance that “dream come true” may very well become “dream job”. The thing is… I already have a dream job. It’s a completely different one – it’s motherhood. I can’t even write this without crying like a baby, the thought is seriously hard as hell. Phew.
I love the time I spend with my Ladybug. She’s the most amazing person I’ve ever known. We have the funniest inside-jokes, she hugs and kisses me, strokes my arm while she’s falling asleep when it’s naptime, we play together, draw pictures together, sing together… she’s my tiny little baby. How can I move on from all that to only three hours a day with my best little buddy? How will I cope with the idea of both of us growing up and moving on from that special time we had only for the two of us? Will she know how much I’d wish to be in two places at the same time if I could?
Then there’s the other side of the story: it is, indeed, my dream job. I would get the chance to do what I love for a paycheck. A decent paycheck. I would go to work happy every single day, get to be in charge of what goes on in my department, have an outlet for my massive creativity and have the best colleagues in the world. I would be doing what I’ve always said I want to do “when I grow up” and do it straight away without having to climb any ladders along the way. What an amazing opportunity, right?
The only consolation I have right now is that I have a wonderful sitter for the Ladybug for half the time I’m gone. I need another one for the other half – that’s the iffy part. I have never left Ladybug with anyone other than her grandmother for an entire day. The thought of leaving her with a stranger is scary and unsettling. It’s like the end of an era and I hate those. I really do.
I know there’s only one possible decision to make. I have to take a leap and give myself a chance. Whatever happens, happens, right?
// Kui ma seda praegu ümber tõlkima hakkaks, peaksin teist sama palju veel nutta ulguma ja mul on täna õhtul veel palju tööd teha. Sellist tööd, mis ei luba valutavat pead ja paistes silmi… Ärge pahandage, eksju?